The Monster Within

“Fen, my dear?” He growled. I looked up, puzzled at the anger in his voice. “How would you like an early lunch?”

I smirked, “What did you have in mind?”

“That was an associate of mine, Duncan. He runs the blood bank where I get most of my supply. There has been an issue. Want to come and practice what you learned today?”

“Quirking my brow as my interest peaked, “Sounds intriguing. Let’s go.”

We teleported to London and slipped down an alleyway. Angel knocked on a large metal door that seemed to just swing open. Angel’s face darkened as he stepped in, glancing around before waving me to follow him in. Rushing over to a sniffling and bloodied man, Angel carefully knelt in front of him. I didn’t pay much attention to the conversation because I was quickly distracted by the sounds coming from the other room.

I half heard Angel say, “All yours,” as I glanced back at him with a mischievous grin. Here we go. Let’s see what I can do.

I paused and glanced back at Angel, who had followed me down the hallway as backup. “He said one of them was armed.”

“Yes. The same still applies. Catch his hand at the wrist, then throw him as you did me, but make sure you keep him down once he is on the floor.”

“Oh, okay.” I nodded confidently, and pushed the door open. The door just…fell. It fell completely off of its hinges. Both of us stared at it, and I let out a small, squeaky, “oops.”

Then, as one, we looked up to see three middle aged men glaring at us. They were in the process of ransacking the shelves, although they had left the majority of the blood in the fridges.

“Who the fuck are you?” The one in the middle snapped, the police baton in his left hand.

“I’m the one telling you to drop everything and get out.”

“Or what, lady?”

“Or I’m going to kill all three of you.” I snapped back. Angel stepped back as I focused on the men, giving me space to deal with them.

“I don’t think so. See, I think we’re going to have our fun with you, then we’re going to finish what we came for. And if you don’t struggle and be a good girl, we might let you live.”

My vision became crystal clear, my ears buzzed and my blood boiled. Electricity pulsed through me as the bloodlust took over. That was the wrong thing to say mister. “I’m giving you one last chance. Leave, now, and you get to live.” The words dripped from my lips like saliva.

“Boys, grab the bitch.” The one with the baton said.

The room grew silent as I took a deep breath, let out a primal scream. The next thing I heard was a single sentence from Angel that seemed to light with pride. “I thought I asked you not to make a mess, my love.”

I turned and stared at him, coming out of the haze, I looked around the room at the damage I had caused. Blood and glass peppered the room. I stood there, looking at myself, covered in crimson and glanced back at Angel, utterly mortified as I fell to her knees. “What have I done….”

Instantly, Angel was by my side, cradling me in his arms. Turing into him, I wept into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Fen, my love, it’s okay. They would have killed you, if you hadn’t killed them.”

“I didn’t mean to be so angry. But he said…and I…I didn’t mean to do this.”

Angel sighed softly, calling Duncan into the room. He stopped in the doorway, with a look of horror in his eyes, which only made me feel worse.

“What happened in here?” He asked, his voice a soft whisper.

“We solved your intruder problem. Me and Fen are leaving. I’ll send someone along to help tidy everything up. Goodbye, Duncan.”

Before I could finish processing all that happened, we were back in Brechin. The dogs were in my face, covering us in licks of concern as they felt my disconcerted mood. Their presence calmed me instantly as they sent thoughts or warmth, love and acceptance. I turned and shooed them away then yawned. The high was wearing off and I was physically exhausted from the exertion.

“Tired?”

“It has been a long day. With the training this morning, and my outburst in London…I feel wiped out.”

Angel looked off to the evening sky then back at me with a nod. “Let’s get you to bed, shall we?” He smiled, lifted heme into his arms, and carried me into the house. Setting me down on the bed, I drifted off to sleep as I could no longer keep my eyes open.
The next thing I remember, I was shuffling into the bedroom in Brechin. My hair was a mess, blood smeared on my face, and my top was tattered and torn.

Angel pulled me into his arms as I blinked, half aware of what was even going on or where I was. He licked the blood off my face and asked calmly, “Problem, my love?”

“I..I..” I collapsed into his embrace, unable to stand any longer.

He stroked my hair as holds me close. “What did you do?” He asked, his voice smooth and comforting, not even a drop of disappointment.

“I..I’m not sure. It’s hazy.”

Angel placed a finger to each of my temples, searching my memories.

Flashes of me running race through my mind, my vision hued over red. Screams, warm blood, and a sense of euphoria rushes through me. Angel let’s go of my temples and cradles me in his arms again.

“A-Angel cries did I?” My voice breaks before I can finish, the horror of what I think I did overwhelms me and I start crying again.

He holds me tight and rubs my arm comforting me. “Shh, no…you didn’t. I keep an eye, my love. You and I share a link,” he lied. “That blood is a feed from a donor.” his face awash with a guilty look.

“Then…why the screaming? Why I am a mess? No…Angel this is different.”

“You are tired.” He stumbled, wiping his face of all expression. No, this was different. I could feel it both in me and the way Angel was behaving.

“I don’t feel tired. I feel like I could climb Mount Kilimanjaro.”

“Because the blood is mine.” He continued the attempt at the charade. He shared images of himself on a rampage through London.

Seeing through his bullshit and having enough, I sat up and looked at him, straight faced. “Your’s isn’t warm, Angel. Don’t lie to me.”

“I am not lying, let me explain.”

“Can you tell me while I shower? I feel…” I involuntarily shuddered.

Angel carried me in, slowly strips us both and sets both of us under the hot water. He begins to lathering me up as I closed my eyes, leaning my head on the shower wall.

Angel begins in a low voice, “I have a few humans under my employ. They…clean up messes. They have been screwing up as of late. Last night was the last straw. Went back to London and discovered they had been seen by a normal human. I lost my temper…” He sent me an image of humans at his feet and a chase through Whitechapel involving a lot of destruction. “And you, Fen, tried to stop me.”

I turned my head slightly and looked up at him without moving my head from the wall. He continued, “…the blood lust took over and you killed the last of them. I was too distracted to stop it.”

“I…so I did…” I turned back to face the wall again and sobbed as the water streamed down over me.

Angel turned me to face him and wiped my face, “Hush…you made a mistake. It was easily rectified. No one knows but you and I, and no one else will.”

“Easily rectified!” My voice broke as I yelled, “I KILLED people! I can’t just, ‘poof,’ bring them back!!!” I made a opening gesture with my hands as I said ‘poof’.

Angel made me look at him, resting forehead to forehead, staring me in the eyes. “ONE! One person, Fen. They were going to die when I caught them anyways. You are a vampire. We drink blood. And he was free game anyway.”

Unable to listen to his bullshit anymore, I teleported out of the tub and grabbed a towel from the hook on the other side of the room. “He was HUMAN Angel!”

Angel turned off the shower and stepped out. “No, he wasn’t.” He said after of factly.

I wrapped the towel around myself, then began drying my hair with another.

Angel wrapped a towel around himself as he took a step forward. “They were little more than drones.”

“Gods below, Angel! You told me when I came to you you don’t do slavery…but now you are calling people…drones. Explain yourself and what happened!?”

“Those humans, they know me. They work for me. But they tended to talk after drinks, so I altered their minds a little. They worked for me, but they were a little more than human as I needed them a little stronger and faster. The fact remains, Fen, that they were dead the moment they were seen by that young girl. They weren’t slaves. They had a choice.”

“A young girl?” I asked as I flipped my head, wrapping the towel around my hair. Standing, I removed the towel from my body and began dressing.

Angel began dressing slowly as he continued. “They were helping at the blood bank clean up. They were moving a body, and a little girl saw them do so

I blanched at the thought of a little girl involved. Flashbacks of my childhood comes in waves and I shudder. “I.. I know why I was involved now. Was this after we left? I don’t remember any children around.”

“The little girl is fine, Fen. And yes, this was after we were home. I wiped her memory and took her to the police. As for the workers, it was a mistake. Just a mistake.”

I shook my head, taking in a shuddering breath and replied, “You can say that again.”

Angel took me in his arms, “Listen….” I pulled away from him slightly but not with much effort as he continued. “Fen, he was already dead. Had I caught him, he would have suffered more than the draining you gave him. You did the right thing. It was a lapse, just a lapse. And I am not angry. In fact, I am proud” He turned and pulled on a shirt.

I blanched again, “I am not…I did exactly what I feared the most. And don’t play off the one clear memory I have that is haunting me.” Clear as if I was standing there at this very moment, I see myself ripping back, taking a chunk of the man’s flesh in my mouth. “I did more than drain him, Angel.”

Angel finished buttoning his shirt and started with his tie. “You don’t think I did that when I first turned?” He asked plainly.

“Then why are you proud? I fucking bathed in him!” The memories began to come in clearer as I realized the red haze in my vision was his blood.

Angel looked me in the eye. “I am proud because you were there. You felt my anger and whether it was to calm me or save them, you came. You are better than you think. And you only acted like a newborn vampire does in the midst of carnage and bloodshed. I am proud because you came to me and shared it. Others would have hid it from me, and we would not be having this conversation”

I crossed my arms and sat on the edge of the couch. “I don’t feel proud. I feel guilty, ashamed.”
He sat beside me, idly finishing the tie.

“Can I tell you the truth?”

“You damn well better…always.”

“When I was first turned, I had my own lapse. I killed an entire town because the blood lust grew so strong. I only stopped because my maker threw me off of the cliffs and into the sea and threatened to have my head next time. You only killed one.” He paused, taking my chin in his hand, gazing at me, pride evident on his face. “I am proud of your restraint. And dealing with those…humans, is part of your life now.

“I…” I began then closed my mouth, unable to find the words.

“I told you, I am…I was an animal.”

I shook my head, standing from the bed to join him. Sliding my arm around his waist, I gazed up at him. “You are not the one I am speechless by. I knew then you were an animal. All Vampires are. Including me. We unleashed the primal animal within when we stopped our hearts. I don’t fear you Angel. I just don’t like not being in control.”

“You will learn more control in time. For what you have been through in the last few days, I am extremely impressed and damn proud, my love.”